A New Day

Went on my trip. Came back. A little stressed, well a lot stressed, but that's ok. It's NYE and I'm at home/bald /in sweats....never would have imagined this a year ago. It's better than the alternative so I will not complain. I had my CT scan yesterday and received the results today....the tumor did not shrink. It is stable and appears to have some dead tissue inside of it. I am thankful for this, but at the same time I am disappointed it did not get smaller. I have felt like crap for 6 weeks, I wanted to hear that it was smaller. But I tell myself it will all be ok. The doctor feels that it will start to shrink with the next round or two of chemo. Yes, more chemo. I'm tired, but don't have a choice. So, I will put a smile on my face and act like I like it.

Today I started a year long project, project 365. It's basically a documentation of your daily life through pictures, one a day. There are several variations. Mine has no rules, just document my life one picture, one day at a time. Whatever I want, whatever strikes me that day. I chose today to start, seemed like a good day, it let me know what I would be doing for a good part of 2009.

Day 1 12/31

A picture from my cat scan. This consumed my brain today so I thought it was fitting. The gray blob and the top of the picture is it.

I will be started on a new medication to combat the horrible terrible mouth sores that decided to invade my mouth and throat this past treatment. I couldn't eat and I am small, so this could become a problem. I really can't afford to loose any weight. The thing is the medication is $3500-$5000 per shot, and sometimes insurance does not cover it (I'm still waiting for approval). I started shaking my head "no" when I heard the price. I just thought that was way too much. Then my nurse practitioner reminded me that I was worth....so sweet. I needed to hear that for so many other reasons than that medication today.

No resolutions just goals for the new year....

* Remember that I'm worth it

*Eat less meat, eat more veggies/fruit

*Walk outside for at least 10 minutes a day when physically able

*Chill/relax/stop spazzing over stuff that I can't change

*Continue to surround myself with loving, caring people

Happy New Year!!! Make 2009 a great year.