You said move on, where do I go?

Today is not a happy day.....

30/365 I have been connected to this backpack since Monday. It's driving me crazy, I feel like it's following me, which, i guess, it kind of is. This is Keymo(chemo i just spelled it different) my cat and she likes the chemo backpack.

29/365 ALL I want is carbs!!! Macaroni pizza from Cici's was my dinner tonight.

28/365 Dropping Kim off at the airport. I was so sad : (

27/365 Sorry Kim, I had to. You looked so comfy in the nap chair.

More birthday pictures

A few more pictures from last night......My birthday is not until the 31st but I decided to celebrate early because I am getting chemo this week. Thank you to all my friends that came out...love yall!!!

Our chef Phuoc-interesting

my pretty cake, thanks Allison!

Day 1 Round 4

26/365 Group pic from my birthday dinner at Benihana. I had a great time!

25/365 Sheila and Allison. Sheila flew down from Dallas to see me! (Not the best pic, i couldn't fix my camera) The 3 of us were entertained at dinner by some "rowdy" customers and then we saw the movie My Bloody Valentine-very bloody, but good movie

24/365 Waiting for 3 hours at MDA to get a SHOT. I was not happy but I was comfortable.

23/365 Just one of the many sexy things chemo is doing to my body. It is turning my nail beds black. I cover it with nail polish.

I need a manicure

Oh and how I would get one if my counts were high enough. But until then....

22/365 Practicing with my new camera. This is breakfast most days.

21/365 Yes we did!

20/365 working on invitations for a friends baby shower. The theme: A diva's baby shower.

19/365 My Christmas gift. A jewelery/accessory stand. I put it together with a just little help from my dad. It's like having a store in my room.

It does a complete turn. The back side for my scarves and hats.

Bottom part

Each of the 3 doors has a mirror. The doors can open to a 3 way mirror.

Love the key to lock the doors.

18/365 Fun with CVC line dressing changes. I do this once a week when forced to. If I'm at MDA I let a nurse there do it. Why? Because... Sterile technique + on your self= frustration. I will never complain about the port again.

and because it's therapeutic....

To add to my rant.....

*Not letting me know that you got a gift I mailed to you. For example: birthday/baby shower shower/wedding/graduation. Anything. If I mail you something, it's obviously because you don't live near me. There for I won't know if you received it unless you do what...call me. Not the second it arrives, not even the next day. But maybe before it's been a month. Just give me a quick ring, even a text, so I won't think the postal system is corrupt. Or better yet, so I don't think you're rude. I know everyone is busy. But your not that busy.*

I'm done.

*get outta my head*

It's 1:30am. I am awake, thinking and annoyed. Not one particular thing. Several. I try to be positive and happy as often as I can. Even sometimes when I don't mean it. Yes, I fake it. And this is what happens. I keep all this inside and it just fizzles until at sometime I pop. I'm popping now. I'm going to just start kicking people people when they bother me. Just one good swift high kick. Like from Tae Bo. I'm gonna get all Billy Blanks on ya. I can feel the release already....

I never in my life thought an Ashlee Simpson song would perfectly describe how I feel....

*phone stalkers. When you call at 5 minute intervals it makes me nervous*

*certain adults i know not remembering that I was not born in 1993*

*If you ask me if I'm ok, and I say yes, but you can clearly see that I am not, and you ask again and I say I'm fine, just leave it alone*

*judgers. Dont judge me*

*Why I'm just not that into him. So confusing*

*Small sacrifice/small price to pay/it could be worse/anything else remotely close to this. I'm sure you mean well. But stop. Now. I don't like it. I am aware that in the grand scheme of the universe that I, little Bethany, being nauseous/tired/bald/missing work really isnt a big deal. But hey, guess what? To me it is. And to me there is nothing small about it. I am also aware that things could be worse. I could be a starving child in Africa/homeless under 610/toothless with only hard food. But I'm not. I'm blessed to be here in Texas in a nice warm house. And I have cancer. A pretty scary kind. So right now, to me, this is worse. It's the worst I've seen. I know I can be dramatic at times and these attempts are probaly also meant to bring me back to the realms of reality. Shhhh don't tell but I don't want to be there right now.*

*MDA and their version of time. I can't even start*

*That weird marriage and babies feeling. Not now Mr.Feeling. Try me again in a year. Maybe.*

Not quite as good as getting my Billy on but it works for me. I will just tell myself what I do every night, tomorrow will be a new day.

I'm feeling like myself again....

17/365 Yummy raspberry smoothie bubble drink goodness. I love these things. Just an example of how my tastes have changed. 4 months ago I couldnt stand smoothies, milk shakes, or anything thick that went through a straw. It grossed me out. Now I cant get enough.

16/365- Hi my name is Bethany and I'm addicted to purses. I started lusting after a way too expensive Cole Haan purse today. I took this picture of my new Coach purse to remind myself that A. I'm not working full time leading to B. I don't have the money for it and C. I don't need another purse because D. I haven't even used my new one

15/365 Got dizzy, went to sleep, woke up, felt better, took shower, got dizzy again, threw up, felt better, drove to MDA for doctors appointment, got out of car, got VERY dizzy, low hemoglobin, low blood pressure, dehydrated, blood transfusion, fluids, 12 hours at hospital, felt much better : )

14/365 Spent most of my day on the computer. It entertains me for hours.

13/365 I really wanted a touch screen phone. Why? Because it looked cool. Smart idea? NO. My fingers are numb from the chemo.

blah blah blah

I'm done with round 3 of chemo. Tired, nauseous, moody with hot flashes. It'll get better in a few days.For now my update of 365......

12/365 Most of the time I love him, but today, he's annoying me. He loudly woke me up this morning while trying to attack my dad.

11/365 My friend John took me to chemo on Saturday. He sat up his laptop so I could watch a movie when we got back to my house.

10/365 She can't just take a picture, she has to pose!! Ms. Lashawndra was very nice and took me to chemo on Friday and after got me yummy Gringo's.

9/365 Strange combo: fish, taters and okra, but it stayed down and was quite tasty

shock and awe

8/365

I'm not sure if I can blame this on chmo brain or just getting dressed in the dark. They both felt warm, so i didnt even notice. My mother just about fell over laughing because I was so clueless about it.

7/365

Red Devil I hate you, i love you. You are that scary punch colored chemo that makes me feel, well i'll be nice today, "not myself". But you are also that scary punch colored chemo that is helping to save my life. I often think/say pretty nasty mean things about you (YOU made my hair fall out! YOU made me get a CVC line!) and I never refer to you by your real name. Yesterday I decided to stop this. You're helping me, even though you have caused me pain and discomfort in places that I didnt even know existed on my body. But that is ok. I've got to love you through it. I have to send you positive vibes so that YOU know we are in this fight together. I still cant go with your real name just yet, so how about Crimson? I like it too. So from now on only positive. I want you to do a great job. I want you to KILL it, I want you to KILL them all, no mercy. Shock and Awe baby!!! Make me proud.

because i don't want to sleep....

I feel so good right now. I returned to the normal world today. And since I have to leave it again tomorrow, I will stay up and celebrate for the rest of the night.

6/365 Guess who went back to work today....

5/365- my reading for chemo, i'm very excited to read this book and to go over the scriptures my friends picked out for me

4/365 So much fun with Frank and sister

Days 2 and 3 of my project. I will have to keep track of my pictures on my blog until I can figure out how to document them in an album. The one I wanted sold out in record time and unfortunately I was not able to get one. Hopefully more will be produced because I love, LOVE this kit.

2/365 -My new toy. I was so excited I forgot to put my bandana on : )

3/365- So I had a talkin' to the other day at my appointment. My weight, actually the lack of. So, today I ate chicken nuggets, fries, ice cream and made custard pies.