*get outta my head*

It's 1:30am. I am awake, thinking and annoyed. Not one particular thing. Several. I try to be positive and happy as often as I can. Even sometimes when I don't mean it. Yes, I fake it. And this is what happens. I keep all this inside and it just fizzles until at sometime I pop. I'm popping now. I'm going to just start kicking people people when they bother me. Just one good swift high kick. Like from Tae Bo. I'm gonna get all Billy Blanks on ya. I can feel the release already....

I never in my life thought an Ashlee Simpson song would perfectly describe how I feel....

*phone stalkers. When you call at 5 minute intervals it makes me nervous*

*certain adults i know not remembering that I was not born in 1993*

*If you ask me if I'm ok, and I say yes, but you can clearly see that I am not, and you ask again and I say I'm fine, just leave it alone*

*judgers. Dont judge me*

*Why I'm just not that into him. So confusing*

*Small sacrifice/small price to pay/it could be worse/anything else remotely close to this. I'm sure you mean well. But stop. Now. I don't like it. I am aware that in the grand scheme of the universe that I, little Bethany, being nauseous/tired/bald/missing work really isnt a big deal. But hey, guess what? To me it is. And to me there is nothing small about it. I am also aware that things could be worse. I could be a starving child in Africa/homeless under 610/toothless with only hard food. But I'm not. I'm blessed to be here in Texas in a nice warm house. And I have cancer. A pretty scary kind. So right now, to me, this is worse. It's the worst I've seen. I know I can be dramatic at times and these attempts are probaly also meant to bring me back to the realms of reality. Shhhh don't tell but I don't want to be there right now.*

*MDA and their version of time. I can't even start*

*That weird marriage and babies feeling. Not now Mr.Feeling. Try me again in a year. Maybe.*

Not quite as good as getting my Billy on but it works for me. I will just tell myself what I do every night, tomorrow will be a new day.