No mas chemo

I am still off of chemo and hopefully for good this time. My counts did not come back up in time so I will not be finishing the last 2-3 rounds of chemo. The doctor said it is ok since it was extra chemo. I was a little nervous at first. In a weird way chemo is like a security blanket, I felt very safe when I was taking it. I felt like I was actively doing something to take care of myself and now I don't have that. It's a good thing. Don't get me wrong I'm so happy to be done, it just took a little adjustment. I had prepared myself to be on chemo for a few more months. That changed in a 3 minute conversation with my doctor. I've had a little time and am now very excited about my new freedom. My strength has been coming back. I am going to take November to get stronger and get my counts back up. I will be scanned at the beginning of December. I'm going to enjoy every single holiday before I go back to work. I was on chemo last year and I'm going to make up for it. So if all goes as planned (unless I get a great offer I just can't resist) I will be heading back to work in January.

Oct. 31- Happy Halloween from Keymo.

Oct 30-Me and the birthday girl Laura.

Oct 29-I went to the dermatologist for this lovely rash on my arm and ended up getting a biopsy. I will get the stitches out and results in 2 weeks. The doctor told me not to worry.

Oct. 28- My new water bottle. Helps me get my 2 liters of fluid in everyday.

****forgot to take pics for a few days, so these are from same day****


Oct 27-Tooth fairies.

Oct. 26-Scary faces

Oct 25- Me and my Shana

Oct 24- With "Michael Phelps" at the Dallas Oaklawn Street Party.

Oct 23- Happy Birthday Paulette. May you continue to rest in peace.

Oct 22- Since I'm done with chemo I got my line removed. I'm so happy it's gone. Not so happy with the hole in my chest. It was in for 11 months so it will take a while to heal.

Oct. 21- Waiting at my doc appointment. I'm done with chemo!

Oct. 20- Keymo enjoying the water drops left over from my shower.

Oct 19- At Frank's doctor appointment.

Oct 18-My inspiration board. It helps keep me focused on what i need to do. I change it out to fit what I need.

Oct 17- I've been lifting weights to build my strength up.

Oct 16- My beloved flip, I need to play with you more.

Oct 15- Getting an early start on Halloween. Making my goody bags.

what not to say...

Great article emailed to me by a dear friend. I have had all of these things said to me in some way or another, especially in the past 11 months. I know people mean well, but the comments can still be hurtful and annoying. She does a great job explaing why. Enjoy.

Oh happy day!

I received great news from the doctor yesterday, the tumor is small enough for surgery!!!! He said he could not be more pleased with my results. I will meet with the surgeon next week and I could have surgery as soon as the end of next week, but more than likely within the next 2-3 weeks. I am very happy to get this part over with. Not so good news-after surgery I will need 4-6 more rounds of chemo. I almost fell out of my chair when he said this. But then he said when we are done with those rounds we stop, that's it, I'm done and hopefully off into the land of remission. I hope to live there for the rest of my life...

June11-packing for Dallas. I need a break from my house and the two people who live there. I love them, but everybody needs a little break sometimes. This is just food and meds. I am an over packer.

June 10- my "couldn't be more pleased" test results. The big gray blob is the tumor, the first square is from November, the second is from February and the third is from 2 days ago.

June 9-Next day, new dressing room, waiting for CAT scan

June 8-in the dressing room waiting for my PET scan

June 7- my dirty dozen pesticide card I take to the grocery store with me so I know what I need to buy organic and what I can buy conventional

June 6-Me and Kev

June 5- I think this is my first bruise ever. It's from a combination of low platelets and me being clumsy.

June 4-playing in the mirror

June 3- Beamer (the white dog) came into my room at about 7am and wanted up on the bed so I helped her up. She then squats and empties her bladder on my bed!!!! I threw the dirty sheets on the floor and this one came along trying to sleep on them. Gross.

June 2- my delicious salad. I cut up all the veggies as soon as I get home from the store and put them in this container.

June 1- I ordered this great tray from QVC and it arrived today.

May 31- Out to eat with mom

Done with round 8

I am done with round 8 and starting to feel better. My counts are starting to drop from the chemo so I get to start the platelet game all over again.



I also had my root canal right before chemo started. My tooth started hurting and my platelets came back to a safe level all at the same time. It was hands down the best dental experience I've ever had. I give all the credit to the laughing gas.



Question time: (Hi Sarah! Thanks for the question)
Has the platelet situation at MD Anderson improved? What else could your friends and blog readers do to help you out?

No, the platelet situation at MD Anderson is still the same. They are always critically low on platelets. My friends/blog readers can help me (and many other cancer patients) by going to one of the 3 MD Anderson blood banks and donating platelets. Email me (b_rogers60@hotmail.com) if you are interested and i will get you all of the info. And as always, my friends and blog readers can help the most by sending prayers and positive thoughts my way. Those are always appreciated!

I'm just waiting to start chemo, hopefully Monday if the platelets come back up in time. I did not have my root canal last week because my platelets were too low. I can't say that I'm unhappy about this

May 12-My new fro yo place opened. It's so delish.

May 11- Just a few of my little blankets. I'm always cold so I keep them stashed everywhere, even my car.

May 10- Happy Mother's Day. We gave my mom a laptop which she loved. I made her a dinner of cornish hens, green beans and potatoes.

May 9- Before I went to a birthday dinner.

May 8. I finally made my cupcakes. They were mini vanilla cupcakes with strawberry frosting.

May 7- Kev and I had a nice lunch at Just Oxtails in Houston. Very yummy!

May 6- Randi is a weiner dog mix that likes to sit on chairs that she knows she's not suppose to be on.

May 5- my new favorite sweetner

May 4- I've had Beamer since the 8th grade. Her hearing is not what it used to be. I used to never be able to get this close to her while she was sleeping.

May 3- It's almost time for fried green tomatoes

May 2-waiting for platelets. I got my hat from MDA volunteer services. They came around with a cart with free hats/scarves for patients.

May 1- Chai tea, a nice way to start the day

questions and answers

Earlier this evening I was messaging with a friend from college (Hi Erika!) and she had a few questions for me. I was very happy to answer them. But I started to think...if she had questions maybe others do to. I have had a lot happen over the last 6 years and I even get a little confused at times of what happened when. So here are a few questions and answers. I combined some I answered with her with some I am asked often.

What type of cancer do I have?
A sarcoma-specifically rhabdomyosarcoma. This is a type of tumor that affects the muscle. It is usually found in children and teenagers.

When and how was I diagnosed?
I was first diagnosed in March of 2003 with a grapefruit size tumor in my left buttock. I was 20 years old and a sophomore in college. I fell in October 2002 while playing football and shortly after noticed a small hard area of my bottom. The fall did not cause the cancer, it just brought my attention to this area. I went to 2 doctors, one for a few months for physical therapy. I finally went to a third doctor who did a biopsy. I received a phone call from my dad a week later with the results. It was soon discoed that the cancer had spread to my lungs.

How many times have I relapsed?
I have relapsed 4 times. I received chemo for a year after my initial diagnoses. I relapsed 6 months after I finished chemo in '04, then in '05, then in '07 and most recently in November 2008. The first 3 relapses were small spots in my lung and they were removed with surgery. I have not have a recurrences to my buttock or any where besides the lung. The most recent one was the size of a small softball and attached to my heart. Surgery was not an option at first so I had to start chemo again.

Why does it keep returning to my lung?
I don't know exactly why but sarcomas like the lungs, this is where they typically spread to.

Why do I keep relapsing?
Cells from the original tumor broke off and traveled to my lungs. Some appeared early (the spots on my lungs when I was diagnosed). Some were not "set off" until later (relapses). I'm not sure what made some show up earlier, or what turns them on/off. I am hopeful that the chemo is killing of anymore that remain hidden.

Why doesn't the CT scan show these cells?
The ct scan can not show single cells. It shows masses/tumors

How were the surgeries done and do I have any side effects from them?
To remove the tumors in the lung, an incision was made in between my ribs to get to my lungs. Yes, it is as painful as it sounds. I have had 1 on the left side and 3 on the right. Since the tumor in my buttock was so large, a lot of tissue and muscle had to be taken with it. I had a lot of physical therapy and used a walker and crutches for a while. It was unknown if I would be able to walk without a cane but after 8 weeks I was limping along with out one. Since so much tissue was taken, I have a very noticeable scar and disfigurement of my left buttock. This is why I never wear swimsuits. I wear a "butt pad" that was made for me at a place that make prosthetic arms/legs. It helps give me a curve so my pants fit better and it keeps me comfortable when I'm sitting. I pick pants that work well with the pad, so for the most part, no one can tell anything is different

How does chemo make me feel?
During the week of chemo I am very tired. I feel like my head is in a foggy cloud, I get headaches, I have trouble thinking and concentrating. I am not able to safely drive, a family friend takes me to chemo. I am nauseous, but I have medicine that keeps me from vomiting . I am usually not in the best mood. I sometimes get mouth sores but I get a medication that makes them not as severe. I have hot flashes and night sweats. Chemo also causes a bad taste in the mouth, kind of metallic, I imagine like sucking on a penny. This makes food taste terrible.

It is much better now then the treatment 6 years ago. They did not have some of the nausea medications they do now. I vomited several times a day and always felt faint. I was also on a type of chemotherapy that caused numbness in my hands and feet, making me clumsy and unable to do things like button my shirt. I was started on that chemo this time but only had two rounds because the effects were happening again. My hands and feet are feeling better.

How do I get the chemo?
I get it through and IV in my chest. Some chemo are in pill form but all of mine is IV.

How do I feel physically?
I am fatigued but I can get myself where I need to go and take care of myself. I usually need at least a short nap during the day. I am not working now. My job is too physical-i'm a nurse-the shifts are too long and the risk for infection is too high. I am usually comfortable but I do sometimes have pain. My chest feels much better since the tumor shrank. I have pain medication to take if I need it.

How do I feel emotionally?
Depends on the day. Some days I am very content, my outlook is positive and I go about my day. Some days I'm so sad it physically hurts, i cry a lot and the smallest thing will set me off. I went through a break up during the early months of chemo. chemo+break up is as bad as it sounds. It's been a hard 6 months and sometimes it just catches up with me. I know days will get better....

Since I'm not working, what do I do all day?
I read blogs, read books, sleep, watch movies/tv. When I feel up to it I talk on the phone, clean, scrapbook, craft, sometimes I cook. When my counts are up I see friends. I do get bored but I've had to learn to entertain myself.

If anyone has anymore questions just ask.

I should be in bed

I conquered round 7 of chemo!!! No really, it actually kind of kicked my butt. But at least there were no emo meltdowns last week. It was just kind of a foggy haze that seemed to happen. Glad it's over.

I must be the luckiest girl in the world- I need a root canal. I've needed it for 2 weeks. Tried to get it and the dentist was not able to get me numb, and as you can imagine, I was not able to sit there and let him drill my tooth. Couldn't get it last week because chemo+someones hand in my mouth=i will probably throw up all over your nice white jacket. So, it is scheduled for next week on Wednesday with a special dentist called an endodontist. I will be given some happy gas to help sit still. If I had a choice between a root canal and an extra day of chemo, I would take the extra chemo. That should let you know how much I'm dreading next Wednesday. Think of me.

Other than that, I am locked in the house. I usually don't go out much the week after chemo because my counts are low, but this week I have to be extremely careful because of the swine flu. I think it's hyped up by the news but better safe than sorry.

4-30-09 My masks. Glad I got them before everyone lost their damn mind over the swine flu and went out and bought them all up. I actually need a mask, all you healthy people just wash your hands and cover your mouth when you cough, you'll be ok....

4-29-09 Right before I took Kim to the airport.

4-28-09 I obviously professed my love of SATC to everyone. Allison bought me the whole series.

4-27-09 I am years behind, but have recently fell in LOVE with Sex and the City. My cousin burned the series and sent it to me.

4-26-09 Sometimes being a patient and a nurse is not good because you know too much. I was supposed to stay attached to my pump until Monday(to get fluids), I disconnected myself on Sunday. Why? Because I felt like it.

4-25-09 I woke up and needed IHOP. Strange because I normally don't feel like going in public when I am still attached to the backpack, but the need for IHOP over rode any good judgement. I must have had a stamp on my head that said "Come talk to me" because that's what everyone did. Must have been the backpack.

4-24-09 I swore I would never get on the Twilight craze, then I saw the movie and my heart skipped a beat. I can not get enough.

4-23-09 This is what my house looks like at night. Battery lit candles everywhere. My mom says they look pretty, I think she wants to keep me safe when I get up and wander in the night. We can't use real candles because Keymo the cat will knock them over and we would like our house not to burn.

4-22-09 Something about the crunch in soybean nuts is so comforting. It's like I'm chewing the stress away.

4-21-09 Lime slushies from Sonic make my life good.

4-20-09 Ms. Allison came to visit with me on my first day back at chemo.

4-19-09 Classy Mr. 3 tv screens you can't see. I'm guessing by the 27" sticker plastered on his window he was riding on 27s

4-18-09 Thank you crazy Houston weather. This is what "a 60% chance of rain" looks like. I had to go into nasty flood water to save my car and pull it into the driveway.

4-17-09 This was the ceiling of one of the rooms at MD Anderson....so relaxing. This was the first time I've seen it, and I've been in A LOT of rooms there so I'm guessing it's just in a few.

4-16-09 Christmas in April...I love this movie

4-15-09 Tobias with his carrot. Each night he gets one if he does a "potty trick"

4-14-09 This yummy recipe can be found here. If you are a sauce person, double what the recipe calls for