Be still my heart....

It was flutters when I think of this pizza. Soooo good. I credit it for getting me through last week. It is what my soul needed (and hugs and kisses which I got plenty of too). If you are in Houston please go here and prepare to have your life changed. I recommend the deliciousness below...prosciutto e rucola-add mushrooms. Your welcome.



I'm glad last week is over. It's definitely not the worst week I've ever had but it was a little tough. 1 spot is now 2. I read my records-I can do that, it's ok, but probably not recommended- and the final radiologist report stated that there were 2 spots not one. My oncologist confirmed with me through email. So now I wait. My doctor presented me at a conference today so hopefully he will email me tomorrow and let me know if the plan is the same, wait 6 six then re scan.

My dad is doing well. For those of you who don't know he fell a few weeks ago while sitting on a stool, putting on his shoe. Yes, he just fell off the stool. We spent a few hours in the ER, after much convincing to even go there, and then he had surgery the next week. 7 screws, 1 plate and 2 casts later he is healing well. Stubborn, not wearing his cast all the time and DRIVING, but doing well. I'm sad he hurt himself, but it was nice to not be the one being cut on this time.

Going to bed early tonight. I'm going to see Drake in concert tomorrow!

One of those days....

Ugh.


I really need to blog more. No blogging and very little scrapbooking is making me have to remember to much. Will do better.



Busy day at work added on to not so much happy new from my oncoligist makes for a cranky girl.



The spot we were watching before is still there and hasn't grown-yay BUT there is a new thing that popped up. A new spot. It's very small so we will just wait six weeks for a rescan and then see what it does. Hopefully it will just sit there, but if it doesn't chemo/surgery/radiation are all options. I just hope I can still work, I really do enjoy my job.



It's crazy working and being treated at the same facility. Fellows (new doctors training in a certain specialty) train in several centers at Anderson. I have worked with a few. One that I have worked with before just happed to be in MY treatment center following MY doctor today. Nice. I don't want what I'm going through to be a secret but I'm not sure I want someone I might work with to know every juicy detail. It's cool though, no biggie. I hope he learned something from my case and can use it to benefit others he will help.



I have had a really great past few months. I'm so happy and physically I feel great. I know it's not the best I've ever felt but it sure does feel like. Maybe because I appreciate it now. I know what it's like to really feel like crap.



Sleep is the onl thing that can cure what I'm feeling now.... a mix of shock/anger/sadness/disgust. Oh and I'm sure this little guy could cure it. I need to get custody back from my parents.

I'm Back

I'm back. I needed a break from the blog, the internet, the computer. I needed to get out and enjoy my new energy. I needed to work. I needed to act like I had never heard my name and cancer in the same sentence.

I am really enjoying being off treatment.The spot that had increased on the CT in January was still there on my last scan but it was stable. Yay for stable!!! There used to be a time when this would upset me. No more. If it (whatever it is) plays nice, I'm cool.

A few pictures from the past few weeks in no particular order. Enjoy.

Enjoying my new apartment, especially this picture in the bathroom.

Fun weekend trip with friends to casino in Louisiana. Ally and I adore crab.

My new friend BETHANY! I new she was supercool as soon as I heard that name.

Hair. Curly, make me happy, hair. I still wear the wig most of the time, but as soon as it gets warm I think I'm going to toss it.

Scrubs

I love wearing scrubs. Strangely, they make me so happy.

I think they remind me of my pjs.

Last week was hard. I went from extreme happy to confused and discouraged in a matter of days.

Short version: Shoulder/chest pain Tuesday and Wednesday, Cat scan after work Thursday, learning on Friday during my lunch break that a once stable nodule (thought to be inflammation) grew. Inflammation doesn't grow.

I was so discouraged. I cried for most of my lunch break, called my parents then went back to my orientation class hungry and discouraged. I hadn't felt that bad in a long time. I can usually get myself out of that place but I let my mind stay there for the rest of the day. I kept thinking "Who am I kidding, I had/have (not sure now) metastatic disease". I kept wondering why I went back to work, why I was wasting people's time. I quickly decided I no longer wanted to move out of my parents house. I wanted to run out of that building, break my lease, go home and crawl into my bed in sweats with cookies. I was really bad. Fortunately, with a few talks from people who know me best, I came back to myself.

I'm not wasting anyone's time. I feel great, so why not work. I'm still going to move. If the nodule turns out to be disease most of my treatment options don't require me to miss a lot of work. My doctor even stated that he is not sure exactly what it is because it grew such a small amount, and that it could have even been a variation in the ct machine. We are going to wait and see. I will be rescanned in 6 weeks.

I feel a lot better that I had the weekend to rest, I took Saturday as a mental vacay day and did only things I wanted to do the whole day. I was a little bothered with myself for getting so down, but I'm only human. I can't be upbeat and positive all the time, I try, but I guess sometimes you just have to feel what you feel.

I'm late-Happy New Year.

Happy New Year! I'm not really into resolutions this year. I just plan to continue the goals I have now

• eat more fruits/veggies, less meat



• exercise 3-4 times a week



• drink enough water each day

That's it. Nice and simple.

I just read what I wrote and my picture of the day from a year ago on Dec 31, 2008. Crazy. What a difference a year can make. I went to work today for the first time in 12 months. I'm sure at the end of the work week I won't be nearly as excited, but right now the thought makes my heart skip. I went to work today...Right now, in this moment, it really can't get any better than that.

Dec 31-I leased an apartment! I was not planning on signing anything that day but I just got this great feeling in my tummy. I knew it was the right apartment for me. I will be moving in a month.

Dec 30- I have had the same exact checking account since I was 16. I loved my account number, it just flowed. So I was of course very sad when I had to get a new account number. It's all my fault, I did something VERY silly 2 years ago....learned my lesson.

Dec 29- Finally emptied my hospital bag. I kept slippers, a toothbrush, books, hand wipes, etc. in the bag. It took me a while, but that's ok. I guess I needed to make sure I wouldn't need it anymore.

Dec 28- Fat back is so delicious. I have absolutely NO business eating it but when I am at this restaurant by my Grandma's house, I can never seem to stop myself.

Dec 27- This is the lightest I have ever packed for a trip. I went to see Grandma in Georgia. My trip had to be cut short because of pre-employment things at work. I was only there for 36 hours.

Feeling like myself again...

Is it just me, or is anyone else happy that the holidays are almost over. I am not a scrouge or a grinch but I just seem to get so much more enjoyment out of the more typical, mundane times of year. There just seems to be so much pressure for the perfect holiday. I guess I don't like having all of my time, money and energy sucked out of me for 2 or 3 days. I like to spread it out over the whole year.

I have been feeling well and continuing to get my eneregy back. I am happy to announce that I have secured a job and will hopefully be returning to work on January the 4th. It is a cancer treatment center. Gasp! The type of place I swore I would never work. Lesson learned, never say never. My heart was softened last month and I had a strong feeling that this was where I needed to be. I hope that I am able to be a light and a source of encouragement to my patients. Not by telling them what I went through or that I even had cancer. But just by being empathetic, sympathetic, and dropping some hints on how to get through the process a little easier if I can. I am a FIRM believer that when I am a nurse, I am a nurse and when I am a patient I am a patient. I try as hard as I can to not let the two mix. I wouldn't want my nurse breaking down when I get bad news. I can get the warm fuzzies from else where. I need my medical team to be strong, alert and focused. I feel that my patients deserve the same. Not to say I would never share my story but I think it would be far and few in between.

The best part about this new job is hopefully I will be able to move out of my parents house soon. I love them, but I'm almost 27, and it's time to go.

I am so happy Project 365 will be done is a few days. I'm thinking this year I will do a few pictures a month. It's not as hard to do as it was a few months ago but I definitely need a break from the daily pictures. I am however, so thankful that I discovered this. I have one of the hardest/best years of my life documented. This project forced me to think about the "everyday". I have memories and stories captured that I will be able to look back on for years to come.

Dec 26- My Christmas presents. I love them all but I am especially excited about my Best Buy giftcard (for a computer) and a new lomography camera (supersampler) from sister.

Dec 25- Ohhh Christmas Tree.

Dec 24- Allison had a New Year's Eve fish fry. Her guests had a great time and made the reindeer do bad things.

Dec 23- Will and I at Pappa's.

Dec 22- Santa Paws is ready for Christmas.

Dec 21- Kim gets the award for coming to visit me the most!

Dec 20- Dog sitting Darla. I had to get a picture of them being nice to each other, this was a rare occurence with the not niceness coming from my child.

Dec 19- I really enjoyed going to Kentucky to be Randi's maid of honor and finally getting to meet her wonderful family. We met almost 7 years ago through a program called chemo angels. We have come from pen pals to dear friends. I'm so fortunate to have her in my life.

Dec 18- Another pic from the tea. The food was amazing.

Dec 17- In Kentucky with Randi at my first high tea. The hats were provided by the tea place.

Dec 16- On the way to the airport. I'm not sure how this happened but this light was swinging from the post into the street. Had to take a pic.

Dec 15- Sister is home for the holidays.

Dec 14- I am a little preoccupied with my hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows. Can you blame me? I missed them.

Dec 13- Anything and everything chocolate. I am not a big chocolate fan but I do like small amounts every now and then.

Dec 12-House of Pies has a place in my heart forever.

Dec 11- Celebrating Laura's graduation from college.

Dec 10- Will took me to the Rothco (spelling?) chapel in Houston. It was very pretty and peaceful but the mesquitos joined us.

Dec 9- I made scallops, green beans and potatoes for dinner. The scallops are on top mixed greens with avocado.

Dec 8- My supplies for my CVC line (IV line used for chemo). I had the line removed a few months ago but I can't seem to be able to throw my supplies away. I guess I will tuck them away until I'm ready to part with them.

Jingle all the way...

Dec 7- Tonight I made chicken Parmesan (for Dad), eggplant Parmesan (for me) and whole wheat pasta with a veggie sauce. Mom is out of town so I'm in charge of food.

Dec 6- Mas hair.

Nov 5- I was supposed to be house sitting for Allison, but because of the snow her flight was canceled. She asked me to stay, we invited a few people over and hung out all weekend. Good times.

Nov 4- It snowed it Houston!

Nov 3- Toby eating a piece of reindeer corn (red, white, green candy corn) like he hasn't eaten in days.

Nov 2- My dad won Yard of the Month for the neighborhood.

Dec 1- I had my chest cracked open in July, no crying. 3 tries to start and IV and having to drink barium for my Cat scan, brought me to tears. Strange.

Nov 30- Simple Christmas cards this year. Simple and to the point. I will save the more extravagant ones (picture, year in review) for when I have a family.

Nov 29- My new obsession-Veggie Delight on wheat from Subway.

Nov 28-I am in charge of making care packages for the college students at church. I hope they like them.

Nov 27-Black Friday madness. I so enjoyed myself, made up for not being able to go last year.

Nov 26-Happy Thanksgiving! YUM! Fried turkey is delicious. It took us 3 hours to cook it when it should have only taken 30 minutes, but that's ok and we know better for the next time.

Nov 25- Very thankful that I feel go enough to workout.

Nov. 24- Thank you Frank for introducing me to the House of Pie.

Nov 23- My first professional football game with April. Texans lost, but still a good game.

Nov 22- So happy I finally have things to write down in my planner.

Nov 21- (With the doctor's permission) I removed my own stitches from my arms. I am awesome.

Nov 20- I love pomegranates. I normally eat as many as I can in the fall but this year I haven't felt like it. Maybe too messy.

Nov 19- Keymo

Nov 18- Visiting with Mrs. Green my first grade teacher. I am so thankful that I still keep in contact with many of my teachers from grade school.