today......

I am thankful for a wonderful Dad that spent most of his day at MD Anderson with me while I got chemo, and then told me it was "his pleasure".

I am thankful for a wonderful mother who stayed at home and cooked a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner with just the right amount of soft food and little seasoning because my mouth is starting to get sore.

I am thankful for my sister-just because.

I am thankful for my good health-other than cancer I have no other health problems.

I am thankful that I have a job that understands that I need to put my health first at this time.

I am thankful to God and all of the blessings that he has given to me.

I am thankful for my dear friends and great neighbors.

I am thankful for my baby Toby.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

This is how we roll

I'm the coolest cancer patient you know...

Long Day. I started chemo and I will get it for the rest of the week. Including Thanksgiving. I can't believe I actually complained that I had to work a 12 hour shift on Thanksgiving. What I would give to be able to work on Thanksgiving now.....

I will have chemo as an outpatient. 3 hour infusion of one type of chemo, then I get to take this little fashionista everywhere with me.

It contains the second chemo and a medication to protect my kidneys. I will go back everyday this week and repeat the same thing: 3 hour infusion, fill up my new accessory. I even have a phone number for people to call to verify the contents of my bag. Just in case someone thinks I'm stealing, or that it's a bomb (i know, but it must have happened before because they gave me the number for this reason) they can either not be stupid and just look in the backpack or they can feel my wrath and maybe get the number. I feel pretty good. I got a lot of nausea medication, so im sure i'll be good for tonight.

Today I'm thankful for: wonderful parents who can take off work to be with me (i am blessed that this can happen), dad's pep talks, my sister and her hilarious squirrel story

I cut my hair!!!

I had my hair cut today. I wanted to donate it to Locks of Love but unfortunately it was a little to short. I feel so much better!! I feel like I have at least a little control of the situation. It will be much easier to have my hair fall out with shorter strands than long ones. It will also be much easier to go from short to bald than from long to bald. I'm going wig shopping in a few days and my stylist said she would be more than happy to trim the wig for me. I wasn't big on wigs the first time, but i'm going to give them a second try. I think it will make certain situations more comfortable, like work.

I had another port (it's like a long term IV, it can be internal or external) put in yesterday. They gave me happy lala land medicine. It was nice to not think about things for a few hours. I already have a implanted port, but one of the chemos i'm getting can't go into this type of port. This is why I now have 2 ports. One on each side of my chest. Sexy, I know. Needless to say I wasnt happy about it, but I have to do what I have to do.

The one on the right side of my chest is internal, the one on the left side is external.

Today I'm thankful for my sweet hairstylist who made a hard thing a lot easier, and a great friend who drove down from Dallas to spend the weekend with me.

the plan

My doctor, my parents and I had a detailed conversation this evening about the treatment plan. Chemo first for two rounds. One round will be 5 days of chemo, 2 weeks off. This will start Monday. I should be off the week of Christmas : ) I will get my central line put in tomorrow morning. I am strongly considering being pro active and donating my hair to locks of love before it starts to fall out. I just need to see if it's long enough. No need to waste it. It's going to go. It could at least go somewhere useful and not into my "save my hair" freezer bag I had last time. I will post pictures soon.

yesterday......

Was a bad day. Routine 3 month checkup for a cancer diagnosed at 20. Wasnt worried. Had relapsed before but always small, easy to remove. MD Anderson. Doctor came in, he just didnt look right. I have to tell you something you dont want to hear. My stomach must have dropped out of my body. I started shaking. Mass. Mass or spot? Mass. In my lung? He pulled up the cat scan. Today I wished I had never gone to nursing school because I knew too much. The gray blob. Too close to other structures. Wait, it shouldnt be in the middle of my chest. Thats my heart it's up against. Is it just touching or is it.....I couldnt finish. I started to cry. I understand why my chest has been feeling uncomfortable. What will I do? Chemo, radiation, surgery if we can. CAN??? I want it out now. Not the best choice. It needs to shrink. Shrink? Things look smaller on computer screens. Yes, shrink. It's 5cm. Like a small baseball. In my chest. Need a special catheter implanted for chemo. Will my hair fall out? Yes. Don't remember much else after this point. Called Mom and Dad. They knew from hello. I'm ok. I really am fine. Maybe it's the shock but I appreciate whatever is keeping me calm.

The sun is ALWAYS shining somewhere. Today I am thankful for God, a supportive family, the blessing of having no financial worries through treatment, friends