I should be in bed

I conquered round 7 of chemo!!! No really, it actually kind of kicked my butt. But at least there were no emo meltdowns last week. It was just kind of a foggy haze that seemed to happen. Glad it's over.

I must be the luckiest girl in the world- I need a root canal. I've needed it for 2 weeks. Tried to get it and the dentist was not able to get me numb, and as you can imagine, I was not able to sit there and let him drill my tooth. Couldn't get it last week because chemo+someones hand in my mouth=i will probably throw up all over your nice white jacket. So, it is scheduled for next week on Wednesday with a special dentist called an endodontist. I will be given some happy gas to help sit still. If I had a choice between a root canal and an extra day of chemo, I would take the extra chemo. That should let you know how much I'm dreading next Wednesday. Think of me.

Other than that, I am locked in the house. I usually don't go out much the week after chemo because my counts are low, but this week I have to be extremely careful because of the swine flu. I think it's hyped up by the news but better safe than sorry.

4-30-09 My masks. Glad I got them before everyone lost their damn mind over the swine flu and went out and bought them all up. I actually need a mask, all you healthy people just wash your hands and cover your mouth when you cough, you'll be ok....

4-29-09 Right before I took Kim to the airport.

4-28-09 I obviously professed my love of SATC to everyone. Allison bought me the whole series.

4-27-09 I am years behind, but have recently fell in LOVE with Sex and the City. My cousin burned the series and sent it to me.

4-26-09 Sometimes being a patient and a nurse is not good because you know too much. I was supposed to stay attached to my pump until Monday(to get fluids), I disconnected myself on Sunday. Why? Because I felt like it.

4-25-09 I woke up and needed IHOP. Strange because I normally don't feel like going in public when I am still attached to the backpack, but the need for IHOP over rode any good judgement. I must have had a stamp on my head that said "Come talk to me" because that's what everyone did. Must have been the backpack.

4-24-09 I swore I would never get on the Twilight craze, then I saw the movie and my heart skipped a beat. I can not get enough.

4-23-09 This is what my house looks like at night. Battery lit candles everywhere. My mom says they look pretty, I think she wants to keep me safe when I get up and wander in the night. We can't use real candles because Keymo the cat will knock them over and we would like our house not to burn.

4-22-09 Something about the crunch in soybean nuts is so comforting. It's like I'm chewing the stress away.

4-21-09 Lime slushies from Sonic make my life good.

4-20-09 Ms. Allison came to visit with me on my first day back at chemo.

4-19-09 Classy Mr. 3 tv screens you can't see. I'm guessing by the 27" sticker plastered on his window he was riding on 27s

4-18-09 Thank you crazy Houston weather. This is what "a 60% chance of rain" looks like. I had to go into nasty flood water to save my car and pull it into the driveway.

4-17-09 This was the ceiling of one of the rooms at MD Anderson....so relaxing. This was the first time I've seen it, and I've been in A LOT of rooms there so I'm guessing it's just in a few.

4-16-09 Christmas in April...I love this movie

4-15-09 Tobias with his carrot. Each night he gets one if he does a "potty trick"

4-14-09 This yummy recipe can be found here. If you are a sauce person, double what the recipe calls for

So you want to help.....

I get asked all the time...how can I help? Is there anything you need? Well...now there is.

MD Anderson is critically low on platelets, like so low there were none of the type that were ordered for me last night. I of course didn't realize they were so low until it affected me last night.

So I am asking all of my Houston people to PLEASE go to one of the donation centers and donate some platelets. If I am not able to use yours then I will get a credit for them, and I will have a much better chance of getting what I need next time. Your platelets will be used by someone...this is the most important part.

I have a flyer that I can't figure out how to get on here, so if you would like to help email me at b_rogers60@hotmail.com and I will get you the flyer with all the info and I will give you my patient number so that you can donate under my name.

Thank you! I love yall!!!!!

****Platelets are the cell that help with clotting (like when you cut yourself) The process for giving platelets is similar to giving blood, very simple and well worth your time : )

Finally

I'm finally caught up. I've still been taking a picture each day, I've just gotten bad about posting them.

4-13-09 I had a little extra energy today so I decided to cook dinner. Tofu stir fry. This was my mom's first time eating tofu and she liked it.

4-12-09 Happy Easter! My lovely Easter basket from friends at church.

4-11-09 I just discovered Redbox. I've seen it before, but for some reason didn't believe the movies were just $1.

4-10-09 My Easter gifts from Kevin: flowers, cosmo mag, stuff to make CUPCAKES, dried mango (just like candy), gummy bears and twizzlers

*I missed 4-2 and 4-3 because I didn't feel well. I decided to use pictures from this day that remind me of good times. Enjoy.

4-2-09 *oldie* This is a picture from last St. Patty's Day. I went to Savannah, Georgia to see my cousin. They have one of the biggest St. Patty Day parades in the country. This was one of the best trips I've ever had.

4-3-09 My Grandma Inez is 89 years old. I always joke and say she is in better health than I am, but really she is. I love to visit her (Georgia). There is this great country buffet in town, that serves fried fat back. Can't believe I eat the stuff (only once a year when I see her), but it is soooo good.

4-9-09 Yay! The snow cone shack is open.

4-8-09 Getting blood drawn from my CVC line. It so itchy and I have to wrap in plastic wrap to shower but I wouldn't have it any other way. It's very convenient since I am now going to the lab everyday.

4-7-09 Posing in the dressing room before my CT scan. Note the stylish hospital pants.

4-6-09 It's almost too much. His cuteness overwhelms me.

4-5-09 A very nice man from church takes me to chemo. He's big on juicing and gave me his very nice, almost new Jack Lalanne juicer

4-4-09 Mom and I in my room after my meltdown in the waiting room. She was amazed I could take the picture myself. I can't believe she's never seen anyone do this.

4-1-09 Fun with my 1990's juicer.

91/365 Just like going out to eat.

90/365- Boiled peanuts. Don't knock it til you try it! I would rather have the fresh ones, but the canned ones will have to do until I go to Georgia.

89/365 I painted my nails today. I was about to whine about how old looking and dark the chemo made my hands, then I remembered that I have two hands that work and help me to get my income....no complaints here.

The chemo is working!

I received great news from my oncologist. My CT scan shows that the tumor is 50% smaller than it was in February!!!!

The tumor has pulled away from my chest wall. Still attached to the heart. But my doctor says the surgery has already become easier.

My results were described as fabulous.

I am now a candidate for surgery.

My doctor was so excited he ordered 2 more rounds of chemo.

I am least getting a lot of bang for my buck. It makes it a lot easier to go through chemo knowing that it's actually working.

2 rounds=equals 6-8 more weeks on chemo, then hopefully surgery, maybe some radiation, and the return of my eyelashes.

Oh and I'm almost 109 pounds! I'm already gaining the weight back I lost at the beginning of chemo. Amazing

Happy Birthday to you.....

Happy 24th Birthday Camille!!!!!!

It's my party and I can cry if I want to

I just got home from the hospital. Only there for 7 hours today.



I knew my platelets were low (15 yesterday, should be at least 100, transfusion needed if 10 or less) and that I might need another platelet transfusion (had one on Wednesday).



But I somehow talked myself into believing that I wouldn't. I just knew that my platelets had come up, I could feel it. I wanted to have a "normal" Saturday, and that is just what I had planned. Juicing, cupcake making and a movie.



It took two hours to get my labs back. I was irritated when the nurse came to tell me the results but happy to go home.



I saw an 8 on the paper before she could say it. She had written it bigger than the print as if to highlight just how low they were. My heart sank. She told me I couldn't go home. I snapped at her and told her I could if I wanted to.



Silly, I know. I have a BS in nursing. I know I stupid it would have been to leave the hospital. If I injured myself and started to bleed it would not stop. I had no intentions on leaving. I just had an overwhelming need at the time to remind the world that I was an adult. And damn it if I wanted to leave I could.



Then I got that lump in my throat. At that moment, life just seemed so unfair.

I just wanted to make cupcakes

5 months of emotion came back to me, and I started to cry. Right there in the middle of the waiting room. That hard, deep, uncontrolled cry. I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to.


It just got to be a lttle too much for me today. My mom and the nurse tried to console me. My back was rubbed, I was given tissue.

I calmed down after a few minutes. I reminded myself that this is just a part of chemo. I don't like it but I want my life back so I have to do it. It's just that simple. The process can not be rushed.

I recieved my transfusion. Bethany+stress+blood product=hives. Yes, I got them again. This extended my fun stay at the hospital today.

We had Vietnamese food for dinner. My fortune cookie read :

Rome was not built in a day

Be patient

I'm going to keep this one in my wallet.

chemo-tastic

It's 2:28 in the morning.

I took the medicine to help me sleep two hours ago. See how well it works.

I received blood and platelets last night. From a stranger, weird, but safe. I now feel replenished.

I found an old 1990's style juicer in the garage today. Organic apples, black berries and strawberries. I am in love.

The day has come. I have 2 eyelashes left on my left eye. Sigh. That is it. 2 eyelashes for my whole face. And yes, I do still put mascara on them. Carefully.

I will enjoy them til the end.

I'm trying to remember what I used to look like. I like this picture. It was AC (after cancer) but during a remission in college. My hair is to my shoulders but I still got so excited about just having it. It was Halloween. I couldn't wear that outfit now- I need much more coverage for scars-but I'm glad I had a great time in it that night.

I'm a lion. People thought I was a squirrel, mouse, Pocahontas (seriously?)

My body and my eyelashes will be returned to me one day. This is only for a time, this is only for a time....